“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, what did you say your name was? I’m terrible with names.” We’ve all heard this before. At a party, or Meetup, or just running into someone you’ve met before on the street. Every time someone says this to me, it sucks. I feel somehow “less than”, or not important, or some combination of the above.
At some point, I made the purposeful decision to be the exact opposite. To be good with names. And every time I encounter someone and I say their name “Hi Libby, great to see you!” or “Hey Frank, a pleasure running into you.”, they are stunned. As in knocked-over-with-a-feather-be-my-best-friend-forever-holy-shit-this-has-never-happened-to-me-before stunned.
Because the thing is, names are important. Names are unique, they are personal, they are the first layer of getting to know someone. A name is a specific fact about a person and remembering someone’s name shows you care.
“A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” — Dale Carnegie.
It isn’t cute to preface a conversation or first encounter with someone by saying “Sorry if I don’t remember you, I’m really bad with names”. It’s rude and insulting and you shouldn’t do it. I know that’s not a popular opinion. I know that remember someone’s name is stressful and that we meet a lot of people in our lives. I know all this, and still, I say it is important to remember people’s names.
I googled the phrase “How to remember names” and got more than 333 million results like these 3 articles from Forbes, Wikihow, and Business Insider. Clearly, this is an issue many people care about.
Need to be further convinced that names matter? This story from the Washingon Post might help. Or maybe this one from the BBC. Or honestly, just think of any time someone has gotten your name right. Has remembered you. Has made clear they paid attention and remember how it made you feel.
So, if you forget names you are not alone. But it also shouldn’t be an excuse anymore. Say my name. :)